Well, as a part of my grieving process, I will write about Daddy/Pop/Poppy while this is fresh in my mind. I have been getting better each day, but when I'm very tired I struggle a little more than the rest of the day.
I know that there are five basic stages of grief: denial and isolation; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance. I don't know that everyone goes through every stage, but I do know that everyone grieves...if they have loved and lost. I would encourage you to check out this website, http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/ , just to get a handle on where you might be in your grieving process. I know that with several of you this is not new, but to some of you it might be helpful. I haven't been trained in the ways of "hospice," but I have been around two parents who served in hospice care here, and through them, I have learned quite a bit. Bottom line: Don't be afraid to grieve. Grieve in your own way. Don't be surprised if you think of something you'd like to tell Poppy and forget for a moment that you "can't." Is it wrong to tell him anyway, even though he can't hear you? I hope not because I've already done it at least twice!
All of you who receive this were either at the visitation or the memorial service for Pop. I won't go over all of that, but I want to share with you the outpouring that Mama has received and that I have received since those major events have passed.
The cards: I know that they will be coming to an end soon, but the encouragement and love that we have seen, through kind, loving words has been overwhelming at times. I wish I could gather all of those people together for a big group hug, to say thank you for caring.
The food: Wow!! Our friends can either cook to win contests, or they sure know where to purchase yummy food! Mama and I both had stuffed refrigerators for several days.
The words: Special words of comfort from family and friends that came by way of phone calls, text messages, Facebook comments, and face-to-face communication have been very helpful. Residents at Primrose Retirement Community have given hugs, let me hold their hands...One 90+ year old woman had me sit beside her on a bench one day. Georgia held my hand and patted my knee. She said, "I wish there was something that I could do for you, Cindy" I said, "You're doing it, Georgia. You're doing it."
The residents at Primrose were so sweet. Since Poppy was the main Primrose Pastor of a congregation of 18-22(ish), a collection was taken, a memorial blanket was purchased and the residual cash was presented to Mama to do with as she saw fit. I don't think that she has decided, yet, what to do with the money, but it will go to a good cause. One of the men who spear-headed the collection told me, "You know, Cindy, you not only lost your dad, but we lost our shepherd." Most of the residents at Primrose really do care about and love each other.
The staff at Primrose has also been very accommodating; The use of the model apartment was offered for Uncle Bob and Aunt Doris. This made their extended stay much more comfortable than the usual guest suite. As a memento, Mama was given a card and a set of wind chimes, which she really enjoys...and Poppy never did. (Must be the gene that Joel got from Poppy!) Several of the staff have stopped by the apartment to see how Mama is doing, and have offered to help in a variety of ways, from making copies of DVD's to taking away garage trash and empty boxes, and many hugs in between.
Big Sister Kathy and Little Sister Lynn were both huge helps, with a little bit of a switch. Growing up, Kathy was usually the one who was counted on to do the bulk of the child labor in various projects. I was also a "grunt," but needed more direction than Kathy. Lynn, after working for a time, would somehow mysteriously disappear for the main event but would be back in time for the evening meal to tell us all of the news from the neighborhood. Fast forward 45 years (can it really be that long ago?). Lynn was our work-horse and director this trip, and Kathy kept the dishes clean and the conversation going. Again, I was the "grunt" who still needed much direction. The emotions of the past 11 days not included, I was mentally whipped/overwhelmed by the task of cleaning out closets, going through the garage and emptying it, and preparing the car to be sold. I simply could. not. have. done. it by the end of the month without my sisters. Tonight at dinner, Mark gave Lynn the nickname, "F-5." "F-5" is the term used for the strongest tornadoes. Lynn definitely kicked up the dust, but the job is all but done: donations, empty boxes, and one set of shelves to be dismantled are the only things left behind. I promised that I could take care of that by the end of June. Just call me "F-.1." (Yes, I meant ".1"!) Thank you both.
Kathy is home teaching again. Lynn leaves EARLY tomorrow morning and will have one day of rest before beginning a new job on Monday. Mama and I (and of course, my beloved husband, Mark) will be here, sorting through the rest of the boxes which are decorating her apartment. We hope to do a little traveling this summer, going around to visit the most local grandkids and great-grandkids. We will be learning a "new normal."
I have been saying, for the past 11 days, we are blessed. I miss my Pop, but knowing that he is healthy and whole, I wouldn't want him suffering in his old skin again. Thank you, Lord, for the best earthly Daddy You could have given me, and Poppy for our kidlings. We were blessed to have him for so long, and we will continue to be blessed by memories of him. Thank you, again, Lord.
...And, as always, thank you for reading.
